


Never-ending days, never-changing nights

by JustPassingBy19



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe, Depression, Drug Abuse, Graphic Description of Corpses, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-19 03:36:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29993280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustPassingBy19/pseuds/JustPassingBy19
Summary: Law was happy to be alive.
Relationships: Monkey D. Luffy/Trafalgar D. Water Law
Kudos: 17





	Never-ending days, never-changing nights

Law was happy to be alive. He savored the serenity of leaning against a tree in a chilly afternoon, basking in the heat of the rays of sun piercing through the leaves. The warmth of Luffy’s head on his lap, where the teen had finally fallen asleep. The peace of running his fingers through Luffy’s hair. They were so soft. Too soft. They shouldn’t have been. Luffy didn’t care about his hair. He washed them with 3-in-1 body wash and spent his time running around in the sun. No, Luffy’s hair was coarse, not soft.

Law opened his eyes. He hated that the memories were never quite right. Luffy’s hair was either too soft, or his smile not wide enough, or his eyes not bright enough. Nothing, nothing was ever exactly the same.

He needed to try again.

He sighed and tried to stand up, but his legs gave out. Right, he remembered, the side effects. The nausea should take about three minutes to set in. Hopefully, he hadn’t forgotten to set the bucket next to him this time. He didn’t want to have to scrub off his own vomit from the wall again.

He crawled to lean back against the wall and glared at the straw-hat staring back at him. It shouldn’t even be there. It should be with Zoro, or Ace or Sabo. With people who actually deserved to have a keepsake of Luffy. With people who hadn’t murdered him.

Shit, the nausea was definitely kicking in now. Law’s head was spinning and he could feel the back of his throat burning. A snarky part of him whispered that this was what he deserved. Laying down on the cold floor of a shitty apartment, about to puke his guts out in a filthy bucket. Another part mumbled that this was still not enough for him to atone.

The world started to spin around him. His hands were so cold that he couldn’t feel them anymore. Black spots appeared in front of him and he passed out.

* * *

The morning-afters were never fun. Or was it the afternoon this time? Law didn’t know anymore. Frankly, he didn’t care. He felt sticky and gross. He knew he should at least try to brush his teeth and get the disgusting taste out of his mouth, but he had more pressing matters at hand. He needed to find the correct formula this time. He would try as many times as he had too.

He picked himself off the floor and winced as he stood up. His head was still a bit cloudy, but he figured that it was always like this these days anyway. He could deal with it. He had learned how to deal with it. He stumbled to what used to be a bedroom but was now a make-shift laboratory.

He briefly wondered why he couldn’t do it anymore. This was his perfect creation. The only drug able to perfectly make you relive your memories. It used to work perfectly on him too. He could go back to the kind smiles of his family and the warmth of their home. Now, he only had imperfect replays.

In the back of his mind, he knew why he couldn’t. It had been years since he last had to work on this. Luffy would have hated him if he did. Well, no, that was a lie. Luffy would have never hated him. He was a good judge of character, but for some reason, he had always mistaken Law for a good man. Luffy would have been disappointed if he saw what he did. The lives he had destroyed by bringing Refrain into the world. But he would not have turned his back on Law, even if trying to change him could have killed him. This was the kind of person Monkey D. Luffy was.

So, Law had stopped. He had left that world and followed Luffy and his crew around the world.

In the first place, the reason for Law to be in that business was gone. Leukemia had already taken Lammy and the bills that had piled up after the death of his parents had long been paid back. He had just stayed out of habit and for a lack of a better purpose. Doffy treated him relatively well and provided him with a “safe” environment to use Refrain himself. The Family couldn’t afford to lose their most precious asset, so they truly pampered him.

Corazon, though, Corazon had tried to get him out.

Law could no longer visualize his face clearly. However, he would always remember Corazon’s eyes always staring at him in pity. He used to hate those eyes. To resent the man’s compassion. For a long time after it happened, he couldn’t understand why Corazon had tried to save him and had left his name out of all the information he had given to the police. All that Law knew was that Corazon had been found out by the Family before it was too late for them and shot several times by Doffy in a dirty alleyway.

Law had tried to save him, he really had. But he was particularly out of it that night and the wounds were too severe anyway. 

Blood.

There had been so much blood on his hands. He had washed them many times since then, but he knew they would forever be stained with Corazon’s blood.

So, somewhat also for him, Law had left that life. One day he had grabbed his meager possessions, wiped his bank account clean and vanished, following Luffy. With Luffy and his crew, he was happy. Luffy always had a new silly adventure for them and even if Law pretended to be annoyed, he was never bored.

He was careful. He knew that Doflamingo would not let him escape his grip so easily so he tried his best to cover their tracks. But after one year or four, your guard starts to slip up and you get lulled into a false sense of security, especially when you spend so much time around someone as strong as Luffy. One day, they had woken up and Chopper was just gone. It was still a wonder to think of how anyone could have kidnapped him right under their noses like that.

After that, Luffy became serious. In fact, the whole attitude of the crew had shifted. Luffy smiled less. Robin and Nami spend less time with them as they were always out collecting information. Sanji smoked more, Zoro and Usopp trained more and Brook played quieter music. Frankly did not joke around as much. They were all positive they would get back Chopper, but after a month they had gotten more and more restless. 

They wouldn’t have to wait much more though. Law was sent human fingers and an address where he should go alone at a set date in order to exchange his life for Chopper’s two weeks into their pursuit. 

He didn’t tell them that he was going. They would never have agreed to sacrificing him like that. So, on a cold night, he just slipped away. Alone.

And he thought he had gotten away with it at first. He knew that the chances that Chopper would get away unscathed were extremely slim anyway, so at least he wished to not involve the rest of the crew.

But, of course, Luffy had followed him. Law had just turned around to take one last good look at freedom before entering the storage room and there was Luffy. Seeing him was like a slap in the face. He had been so engrossed in his own mind and thoughts that he did not notice Luffy following him. Or maybe Luffy had been stealthy? The idea was laughable..

Luffy just said “I had a feeling you would try to do something stupid Torao.”

Nothing more.

Law knew that trying to get Luffy to leave would be useless.

He still tried.

“Luffy, just go back to the others. This is my fight.”

“Shut up. I won’t let you throw away your life like that. Plus, Chopper is a member of my crew, I should be the one to fight to save him”

Law was at loss for words.

“I’ve decided that we’re doing this together. And then we’re going back to the others. Together.”

So, they went in together. But at some point, Law had gone to find Chopper and Luffy had stayed behind to fight against Doflamingo and his minions. By himself. Unarmed.

It was stupid, but they didn’t have any choice.

They shouldn’t have split up. They should have stayed together like Luffy had said. Law wanted them to stay together. But Luffy had insisted for Law to find Chopper while he distracted the others.

Law wished he had been stubborn enough to really argue with him for once.

Chopper was laying on his stomach immobile in one of the backroom rooms. His face was unrecognizable and he was missing the few fingers that Law had received. I did this to you, Law thought. This only happened because I got close to you.

Chopper was still warm, at least. Still alive.

Luffy was cold.

Law knew death intimately. He had seen the maimed corpses of his parents. He had felt the cold fingers of death slowly stealing Lammy away from her body. He was pressing on Corazon’s heart when it slowed down. Law knew that death did not spare anyone. She did not avoid the compassionate any more than she did the wicked.

For some reason, even understanding this, he had still foolishly believed that Luffy would never die. Luffy was the very allegory of life.

He couldn’t die.

Luffy couldn’t die.

Luffy was dead.

Death was never pretty. On Luffy, however it was a peculiarly ugly sight. Rigor mortis was strangely already creeping in on a previously youthful face. The heat always radiating from him was absent and his eyes were unnaturally glassy.

This body on the ground could not be Luffy. It just couldn't be. Everything was too wrong for it to be Luffy. Everything was too-

Law slammed his hand on the table. He had to focus back on the present. He started rummaging around to find what he needed. Each box kept coming back emptier than the last. He kept searching.

And searching.

At this point finding the excipients didn’t even matter anymore. Law only needed the active ingredients anyway. With them he could-

Empty again. 

Law wished he was able to punch the wall. He wished he could scream his heart out. He longed to be able to cry rivers.

But he also felt empty. Why was he even doing all of this anyway? Nothing would bring back Luffy. He could try to lose himself into false realities but it was foolish in the end. There was nothing left for him in life. 

No goals, no friends, no family, no lover. Nothing.

He looked up, sighed and made his way back to the living room. 

He grabbed the kitchen’s knife, clutching Luffy’s hat.

How anticlimactic was it, that his surgical skills would finally prove useful here?

He coldly thought about the fact that his body would probably rot in the apartment for a few weeks before anyone would ever find out he was gone and shrugged. 

It wouldn’t be his problem anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sad now...Also yes I made a Code Geass reference


End file.
